Guarding your heart is easy when you know what you are guarding it against. You can shield your eyes from pornography, from negative thinking, from television shows that will influence your life in a different way.
I never thought I would need to guard my heart from a simple email. To me it was harmless, two old friends who shared a connection at one point in time catching up. After all it's always good to catch up with old friends. But when the enemy picks things to test you - he uses the very things that he knows will hurt you the most.
I was comfortable in my walk with the Lord. I was doing well in school.
I love to watch Hallmark Channel movies. In fact, most times when I am bored you will find me watching Hallmark movie. Often you see people reunited with their long lost love. You think it can't happen like that - after all it is the movies.
Emotional affairs happen slowly. When we had dated we were friends first. I'll never forget the first time I met Lucas. It was in church. He was standing downstairs after teaching children's church. He was tall, handsome, and loved the Lord. We found out that we had a lot in common once we started talking. On my checklist, he met almost every requirement for who I wanted in a husband. It was part of my checklist for dating. My cousin had introduced us. She felt we would be a great match.
Things were great for a long time but slowly things between us started to unravel. So when we reconnected, we caught up over old times. I remembered things from my past that I had buried deep. Good memories, bible verses that I had loved, etc. Lucas brought back a part of me that I hadn't seen in years. I had missed teaching which I had done when I dated Lucas. I had missed going to the beach, etc. Lucas brought back happy memories.
Because of all the medical stuff we had been through, I quit laughing. I didn't smile a lot because I hated my smile (I had a broken front tooth) and I was really broken. Have you been there? Have you been broken?
I was watching my sweet baby daughter have to go through tests. Getting comments from people of well you wouldn't be going through this if you didn't have so many kids. (Thanks for telling me something that I didn't already know) I also got comments about how selfish I must be. But I wasn't selfish and these people didn't know my story.
People haven't dealt with things that they need to. Instead we bury them. I was accustomed to burying things.
Lucas listened to me and we didn't talk every day. It was an occasional, "Hey just checking in. Hope your day is going well." Then a Bible verse here and there. Sometimes it was a picture of something that we knew we both loved. But it wasn't I love you and you're amazing. It was a slow build up.
Lucas was encouraging when I needed it the most. Truthfully, some days those texts were what I needed to keep going.
I got weary, got tired, and I was asking the Lord why. My husband and I grew further apart but in distance and emotion. Tensions rose high between us as he hated the job that he was working. He would come home and nothing would make him happy. I was frustrated because he wouldn't take time to listen to me and would just zone out. But to outsiders, we had the perfect marriage. Even I thought so. To our children, they wondered when we would be that loving couple that had existed before.
It seemed like in those moments when I was at my weakest Lucas would text me. He would remind me to keep going. He'd remind me how much I loved my children.
As I said in yesterday's blog post, I am not writing this story because I am proud of my journey. I am writing to help spare another person who reads it from pain. I am also writing it to help you all understand that God takes a story meant for disaster and uses it for good.
I love Romans 8:28, it is one of my go to verses. It reads, " And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.
Lucas and I started talking more frequently. I learned that his mom was fighting cancer again. It broke my heart to hear that she was going through this storm. Cancer had touched my own life personally as I watched my mother in law battle cancer. I wanted him to know that I was praying for him and for his family.
I knew that God could heal her. I knew God could touch her body. I knew he would need someone to be there for him. I also knew his fiancee wasn't being supportive. Similar to my situation. So I encouraged him. I reminded him of who he was because of Jesus, etc. Seems harmless right?
It wasn't. It fact, it was harmful.
It hurt my integrity, my character, my marriage, and my relationship with my children.
I won't get into the rest of my story in this post but I do want to talk about how you heal from an emotional affair.
So how do you heal from an emotional affair?
1. You need to set boundaries. Don't cross lines that shouldn't be crossed.
2. Pray and seek wise counsel. The best thing about getting past all that happened was I made the decision to ask wiser people to help me in my pain. I got a great mentor, surrounded myself with wonderful supportive friends, and prayed through it.
3. Change your phone number, block the person on Facebook, and don't open yourself to these kinds of ways. Cut off all contact.
4. Pray for healing. If you've had an emotional affair know you aren't alone. Their is healing found in Jesus. Pray for the Lord to heal your heart and those pieces of you that the enemy used to try to break you. That healing won't come over night but slowly it will come.
5. Do things that you love. Spend time with your family, friends, and get back to being you.
6. Know that no matter what Jesus loves you. He died on the cross and rose again to give you eternal life. Ask for forgiveness and he will freely give it to you. There is freedom in Jesus.
7. Love your family. They were given to you for a reason.
I hope this series has helped you and that the Lord speaks to your life. If you have had emotional affair know that Jesus loves you and their is healing through him. He will heal the broken places of your life and restore your life. You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you. (Phil. 4:13)
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